Scariest Moment of My Life

At any moment of any day our lives can change forever. Each day we have to enjoy every moment we are given because you never know how many moments you have. And even if you have years worth of moments, they go by too quickly, so they must be enjoyed while they're here to enjoy them!
So many church talks are centered around the principle of "enjoying the journey, and not focusing on the end destination." Too often we zoom through life entirely fixated on where we need to be next. What needs to happen next. And as women it is twice as difficult to suppress our natural instinct to ALWAYS look ahead. To plan. Prepare. Organize. Multitask. Stress. Have a back up plan. Strive for the next level. You get the gist. It's in our human nature to skim over the details in the here and now as we pain the bigger picture in front of us.

I can't count how many times I have gone to bed where my dishes are all washed and put away. The floors have gorgeous vacuum lines, and the boys toys are miraculously all in their correct spots. It's basically the shell that holds my accomplishments for the day and when it's presented in a clean and organized fashion, I can SEE that I made a difference in that day. I have instant feedback to my accomplishments, and that my day wasn't a waste.
But often times, those are the days when they boys went without a moment where I was driving cars with them. Those are they days when I wish I had a quarter for every time I tell my son, "I don't have time..." and although their toys are all put away neatly in each organized box, and in every correct drawer, I don't think I let them play with them at all.
No don't get me wrong, my house isn't often so perfectly clean that I have could invite the Prophet over, but that's a good thing.

Sometimes the little finger prints on the balcony door, T.v. Stand, chairs, fridge, etc are a wonderful sign that we went places and lived. The dishes in the sink mean we had a wonderful meal, as a family and we are so blessed to have our lives together! My bed, that only looks slightly made and is now lumpy with pillows on the floor is just another evidence that there are happy, healthy children at play. And ever other neglected chore in my house is a reminder that my day was spent planting roots and memories that will last longer and matter more than having a clean house for that ONE day... or half a day... or a quarter because how long does the house stay clean anyway??

I may not be able to measure the amount of "accomplishments" I have in my day when it's just me and the boys and nothing else looks like it was done, but the details are in the journey... and the end destination is so much greater than anything we could have now. I used to not know that. Growing up I never understood the appeal to have children. I can literally remember a time when I said, " I don't ever want children. Where is the payoff? You give up everything, and put in all this work, just so they can be messy, be rude, be crazy and then grow up. And what, they may give you a 'thanks mom' here or there a long the way??? People are crazy!"

I seriously said this.

What a fool I was. Thank goodness for Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice so that we can be human, and say and think such ridiculous things, and be forgiven. 

Yesterday was a very scary day for me, and I don't mean to sound so dramatic, or paint it out that I have a tough life, so pity me. Just the opposite! I have SUCH A GOOD LIFE. There isn't a day that I don't pray multiple times a day in gratitude for the trials that are specific to me. That I have SUCH wonderful boys. That I am too grateful for my husband. And how I can never pay God back for everything in my life. No, if anything the reason I am so shell shocked over my day yesterday is because I think I've become too comfortable in how good my life is and every once in a while you have something that happens that is a little sobering and REALLY helps you remember JUST how precious each moment of our life is, no matter how easy or tough our days become. 

While we were cleaning Maddix's room after lunch, Aaron was trying to undo all our work:) It was almost his nap time so I decided to lift him into the crib and put him there while we finished the job. One thing you have to know about my baby Aaron is that he is dedicated in everything does each day: loving us, eating, playing, and throwing fits. He will often (maybe once a week) hold his breath when crying, and not breath. Typically we'll blow in his face, and rub water on his face knowing that it does no good, then he'll pass out. Within moments he'll come to and be calmed down; yesterday was different :( 

He was mad at me for putting him in bed and that's when he began holding his breath. His face when blacker that i've ever seen and so didn't his fingers. Calmly, Travis pulled him out of bed and started preparing for the pass out, but it just wouldn't come. And when it did, he didn't really come back into it just right. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he started twitching all over. Travis placed him on the floor and gave him room while he went into a full seizure. I just stood panicked in the door. At one point Travis was sure it was done, but when it didn't stop he had me run for the phone. I was already on the phone with 911, fully ready to have them send an ambulance over when Travis told me not too, and that we'd be okay to drive him over. 

I am EXTREMELY grateful that we live 5 minutes from a hospital. 

I am so grateful this didn't happen last week when we were a good 1hr just from a Medical Clinic!

Once Aaron's seizure stopped he was so lethargic and irate. He began screaming and holding his head without opening his eyes. We quickly got in the car (so quick I didn't even notice Maddix never brought sandals) and went over to Aaron's Ped's Doc who assured us he was fine, just dedicated. 

He also assured us that this wasn't a sign of a condition so there is nothing to treat; however he is prone to doing this again so we can't have too much prevention. The answer: he said to purchase several squirt bottles and place them all over the house. The MOMENT we feel he is about to hold his breath, we are to douce him in the face with a mist of water, in order to shock him enough to breath. This should also curb the holding breath habit. Simple, but effective. 

I am overwhelming grateful for calm and educated people like Travis and our doctor. 

I wasn't even sure if I could remember 911's number in order to call. 

In an instant my day changed yesterday, but I am SO BLESSED, it could've been my life. I have a fresh respect for those people I know who deal with this and far worse on a daily basis. I have so much... I don't even know the word : Pride/respect/admiration/sympathy/gratitude all rolled into one singular emotion for these people. People like my cousin and friends on fb. 

I am just grateful. I am grateful that I have the knowledge I do about God, Families, and our purpose here on earth. I am grateful for the blessing that families can be together forever. I am grateful for it all!